Eight Sentence Sunday #11

I present to you Eight Sentence Sunday, a blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Here are some sentences I cut out from an old novel of mine. I don’t like taking out perfectly good words, but sometimes a story needs to be shaken up before everything fits into place.

He started off on his shopping list, camping store first.

After walking around on the wall for a while he realized two things. First he had no idea where any of the stores he wanted to go to were. He couldn’t figure out where they were from the mall map at all. The stores were ones he had never heard of before such as FluffyBunny, NachoCheese, or MoonBeams. He didn’t even know what MoonBeams were. How did he know what they were selling there and above all which one was the camping store?

The second problem was how he was going to get off of the wall and into said stores, a grappling hook perhaps?

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F is for Foil (A literary device. Not aluminum foil.)

This post is a part of the A to Z Challenge. Every day (minus Sunday’s) during April in 2015 I will be making a post related to a literary device which starts with a particular letter of the alphabet. I have a general idea that these posts will be describing the same characters as they go through their lives, but I haven’t written all the posts yet so no promises!

Foil – is a character that shows qualities that are in contrast with the qualities of another character with the objective to highlight the traits of the other character. The term foil, though generally being applied for a contrasting character, may also be used for any comparison that is drawn to portray a difference between two things.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is an ideal example of foil since it’s simple; Jekyll’s foil is his other half Hyde. In the book the transformation between the two shows the battle between good v bad in all humans. That’s one of the main pluses of using a foil. It emphasizes one or more themes within ones story. A truly fantastic literary device when used correctly.

In my novel Moon Murder my detective character has a foil in the arm implant Genie (or G3N13). Their interactions show the constant struggles between humans and robots, the traditional v new age, and the detail oriented v the carefree. It wonderfully highlights my novels main themes, which is why every round of edits ends with me adding more interactions between these characters. As they build their relationship the story gets more meat because the themes are getting ever more engrained in the world.

Self-editing and Critiquing #7

Instead of focusing on three points while going through my novel in editing stages I’ve been doing in depth focusing on each chapter. Ten pages at a time.

I’m looking at each scene and asking myself if it’s needed. I’m making sure it’s full of action. I’m reviewing the characters actions, to make sure they are acting like themselves. I’m also making sure that the characters are doing interesting things. And most importantly I’m making sure that my characters have wants which the reader knows.

I’ve also been working on setting to make sure the readers achieve a good understanding of the moon world that this story is in. It’s hard to make sure all this information is in each set of pages, but it’s important that I give that much development to this novel. I want it to be the best that it can be!

Eight Sentence Sunday #7

I don’t know what happened last week but this post didn’t publish on time! (I usually have this scheduled early in the week so I don’t forget.) I had a great streak going too! Oh well, time to start again.

I present to you Eight Sentence Sunday, a blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Here are eight sentences from the novel I am currently editing; Moon Murder.

She was shorter than me and mom yet this woman looked down at both of us simultaneously.

Melisa held out her hand, “I am the headmistress.” There was no comment on being pleased to meet us. The hand shaking seemed to be a formality she dealt with because everyone else expected it, and that was it. Why did I help this woman distract my mother?

A voice straight from Brooklyn came from my arm, “Hey there doll face ain’t you glad to see us? How about you get rid of that scowl of yours and show us where we can have some fun in this joint.”

Ah yes, that would be why.

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Eight Sentence Sunday #3

Here we are with Eight Sentence Sunday, a blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. My intent is to post as many Sunday’s as possible this year. Eight sentences from the novel I am currently editing; Moon Murder.

“It’s the closest translation in your language. Overall it’s fairly accurate as an occupation which transcends cultures.”

I nodded, interesting. “What is your religion exactly?”

“That’s not my department.”

“What, aren’t you a religious missionary? Wouldn’t that make your job informing and converting people?”

Genie chimed in, “Or are you just the missionary that looks for virgins to sacrifice?”

Check out more at http://www.wewriwa.com/.

Self-Editing and Critiquing #3

This week I have been attacking three things in my novel.

1)      Repetitious use of the same word too soon.

2)      Character word choice consistency.

3)      Telling instead of showing.

Repetitious use of the same word too quickly, or in the same sentence location, bothers me. It always has, from the days of ‘see spot run’ I thought that the novel would be more interesting with different words. I try to hold my novel to the same standards as any other book I read, and that means differentiating my expressions. There is a particular focus on starting three paragraphs in a row with the same word, starting three sentences in a row with the same word, or just plain overuse.

This needs to be balanced with what a characters natural word choice would be. There is an alien in my novel and he doesn’t have a full grasp of the English language. It would not be unnatural for him to start sentences with ‘I’ or to use incorrect grammar. My hard core detective keeps to short sentences full of observations while shying away from personal feelings. Keeping my word choices and sentence structure straight between my characters is hard, but I believe it will take my novel to the next level of immersion for the reader.

Lastly I’ve been keeping an eye out for telling instead of showing. This was a particular problem for me while doing NaNoWriMo because I wanted to skip over a less interesting scene for the next one I had pictured. Yet this takes away from both the plot development, and more importantly the character development. I’ve started to highlight these so that I can expand them to their proper length at a later date.

Eight Sentence Sunday #2

Here we are with Eight Sentence Sunday, a blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. My intent is to post as many Sunday’s as possible this year. Eight sentences from the novel I am currently editing; Moon Murder.

She was setting down our meals. I have never seen something less appetizing in my life. The plated had a high pile of mushy gray goop. I am fairly sure the same thing would come out of a slug if squished.

“What exactly are we eating here?” I poked at the gray matter. It jiggled like jello.

“It’s the basic nutrients you need for the day all in one.”

Check out more at http://www.wewriwa.com/.